I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
