Your face is a jimmy john
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
