Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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