Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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