Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
