Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
