but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
