I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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