He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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