i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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