Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
