I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
