bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
