You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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