Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
