is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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