after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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