Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
