i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
