I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
