fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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