My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
pop tarts are not kleenex
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize