How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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