I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize