do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i dont even know how to be here
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
