I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
