is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
