if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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