You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
