No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
