I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
