her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
