i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
tell me about the eggs
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