non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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