At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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