Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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