I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My pussy is not your playground.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
