he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize