She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
