I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
