Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
