my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
