i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The uberlube is also flammable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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