I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
