Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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