you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
