just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
