woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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