your room smells of hookers.
And success
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
