That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize