so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize