It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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