If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
