watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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