The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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