See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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