When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
