am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
