Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
