I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
