All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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