***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i came on her dog
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize