I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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