cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
