I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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