shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
