drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
