I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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