I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
