Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
