Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my shit smells like andre
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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