Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
