Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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